What is a married single mom? Well, it’s exactly what it sounds like – a mother who tends to play both parent roles in the lives of her children. There are many different circumstances in which this may occur: the father’s job may take him away from the family for extended periods of time, the parents may be separated, a step-father may have trouble bonding with his step children… The list goes on, but in each of these situations, the mother tends to take over and do her best to offer her children charactoristics typical of each parental figure.
I happen to be in a situation where this type of parenting has become a way of life. I have an absolutely wonderful husband – loving, protective, doting, thoughtful, funny and a treat for the eyes. He’s my very best friend, and I can’t imagine my life without him. That being said, when it comes to parenting our four wonderful children, more often than not I’m on my own. Mike is a great provider, and makes sure that all our phyxical needs are met, but anything beyond that falls on me. We never planned it this way, but in all honesty, I created it. When we had our first son, he became my world. I didn’t nurture my relationship with Mike, and didn’t offer him any parenting responsibilities. I was happy to do everything for and with Kailer, because I felt no one else would put the effort into him like me. So Mike slipped further and further into the background while I became Kailer’s world and he mine. Although Mike and I have grown closer as a couple through the years, I’ve continued to do everything for my kids while Mike takes a comfortable back seat.
Now that our brood has grown to four, aged 11 years, 5 years, 2 years, and 2 months, I’m feeling stretched a little too thin. I’m okay feeling that way, but when my kids suffer because of it, something needs to change. Kailer discovered the world of girls last April, and is wanting to date as soon as possible. Kaleb is a bright kid and wants to learn everything he can as quickly as he can. Kayden is testing limits and showing me that he needs more of my attention than I’ve been giving him, and Kianna is growing so fast and needs my attention to develope skils necessary for life. All of my kids need their parents in different ways, but equally as much. So starting today, they will begin receiving attention from BOTH of us. I understand that I will always be the primary caregiver, and I love that fact, but Mike and I are happily married and will be parenting as partners from now on 🙂
I realize this will be a bit of a shock for Mike, so I’m going to ease him into it.
- Guy time with Kailer (11 years)
- reading with Kaleb (5 years)
- numbers/letters with Kayden (2 years)
- playtime with Kianna (2 months)
These are necessary relationship-building times, and also gives me time to spend with the other kiddos 🙂